At the time when it happens, you do mean it

So, I decided to post something up here from an assignment for AP Lit... It's sorta foolish and lawlzy, not gonna lie, but I think that an extra +1 on the subject that I think I've already dedicated like... three posts to, won't hurt. So yeah.... Anyways, the assignment was to, from the given list of quotes, to think of event that a quote reminds us of, and then to write a poem, passage, or "written musing" on the event and it's relevance to the quote... The quote was the title of this post... "At the time when it happens, you do mean it" from 1984 and I was doing a written musing on it... Anyways, here goes a copy/pasta, be warned: It's Lengthy. 

Basically (and this is a written “musing”) part of being a teenager is sort of that you make stupid choices and as a senior in high school more often than not it means one of the last few “carte blanc” periods that one has to make stupid choices. It would be safe to say that out of all those, very few are meant, but the ones that are, tend to be unintentionally stupid choices.

What is actually a pretty recent action could be said to be a… stupid decision, in retrospect. I mean, it was jumping the guns by leaps and bounds, not going to bother denying that. And sure, it wasn’t the most thought out of ideas, but given the chance to go back and re-do it, ten times out of ten: I would. Because, literally, at the time, I meant it and I’d be lying to myself if I said that what I feel and think now is similar to my thoughts at the time. It’d be erroneus to state that even now I regret the original action, sure I wish the later course and the snowballing that occurred would have been better accounted for and dealt with; But that original spark will forever be true at that point in time.

Looking back at it now, I realize that it was a pretty hardheaded idea, and why it even occurred to me in the first place, or why I went along with it – being that the only other accomplice was my own sanity – but it was, for all it’s faults, events that I enjoyed and really think needed to have happened, for better or for worse. I’d be wrong if I even began to believe that the ultimate consequences make up for any gains that may have occurred, and sure later on down the line the whole event may seem silly and I’d take back even what I write now; But wouldn’t that just be proof of the quote, and it’s meanings?

I mean I lost any chance at getting to know better someone whom I think genuinely has to be one of the most… entertaining? - Dunno the exact word for it… Great to hang out with? The phrase works, but not grammaticaly, but I digress - I have ever met, and one whom I strongly think I could have been at least close friends with. Which is saying something for one such as me, who is wary of those he calls friends, but I can’t help but know this much for a cold, hard, fact. Even after the event neither of us can deny that the chance existed, and the more hopeful wandering thoughts would like to believe they still do,  but the facts are what they are, emotions (or lack thereof) removed from the equation.

When I asked her out after only knowing her a few weeks, and the awesome times we had, I fully meant it, and what I said to her at the time. Now, sure, they may have just been said in the euphoria and I realize this, but my cognitive interpretation of my actions now don’t change the facts from the past. They don’t change that every word I was saying, at the time, and albeit deluded and slightly brain-dead (Thank you, AP classes), were totally heartfelt and honest.

Like I said, later on down the line I may come to view even the impulse as foolish, but that would just serve to place greater value behind the truth of this quote in at least this, foolish aspect.