Taking a break atm from the character bios for my latest story (I wanted to get these done first because more so than my usual writing, this one is almost entirely character-centric so I thought if I can get them hammered out in my head I can make 'em flow a bit better later on) to go on a small rant about lulzshit.
Recently I've started playing chess again. Why? I have not the slightest fcking idea, if anyone else does, feel free to hit me up and explain it to me, because I really have no idea. And by again I mean, for the first time seriously. I learned to play when I was younger and played the odd game every now and again, but never more than like once a week at best so, yeah, never really that into it. But now I am, for some completely unknown reason, and not surprisingly: I suck.
Although I've noticed it's allowed me to make a comparison between how I tend to deal w/ life in general and how it's actually pretty well mirrored in Chess. I've noticed I can't really see too far into chess, at best five turns, or if I get lucky 10, but when I look that far into it, I tend to overlook a whole ton of crap which usually leads me to getting destroyed because I lost sight of the board. And I also don't really play to win, I just play to stagnate the game for as long as I can, just overwhelm the little moves and pull off one or two really good moves usually centered around initiating a massive tradeoff or trapping their queen and slaughtering it like a little piggy. In other words: pretty single minded playing.
Which is, in no short way, how I tend to deal w/ and think about right. Pretty single minded when I get focused on a goal, or when I look at the bigger picture I shit bricks and become unable to move... I don't really plan to... succeed? Excel? in any one area or thing in life, I just aim to make the little moments as enjoyable as possible. Kill the boredom in between, let the end be what it will be. The destination isn't what matters, but it's the path that makes all the difference. That kind of thing you get me? Granted, that kind of thinking leads me down some lulzy paths in life, but hey, at least it's better than doing nothing at all like I would otherwise do >_>
I dunno, I've noticed that not only do I not just think that far, I sabotage myself and never really give me a chance to succeed. Let those qualified and deserving of it to have a fulfilling life and let them reach their goals (just like in chess, let the others have their victory, just give me my two minutes of glory) just let me have my choice on how to get there. I dunno, often times I don't think I should succeed, and many other times I realize I'm making a stupid choice and I know I shouldn't because it's going to fuck me over.... But I end up making it anyways, sometimes for that same damn reason. Same way w/ chess.
What is it with me and finding hidden meanings and comparisons in everything lately? Can anyone explain this shit to me?
